shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
