[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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