so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
