That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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