you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
