is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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