If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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