woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize