Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
