just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
