respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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