when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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