I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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