and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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