but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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