help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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