I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
