she was so not down for the gang bang
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
