just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
