i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
