Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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