you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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