goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
