But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think i peed on brittanys purse
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
