went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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