Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
These tits shall not be calmed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize