I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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