After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
