I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
