I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to have your abortion
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.