I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN