You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.