is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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