So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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