This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
