Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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