Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize