Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
