i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
