mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
