He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
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Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
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my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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