I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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