When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
