New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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