I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
