Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
