Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
