i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
