i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
