I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
even my farts smell like vagina
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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