She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
