What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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