1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
