you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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