How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
