I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
