I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
