Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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