the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
