I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
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