My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
