God, you're like boner-b-gone
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
