So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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