based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
